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Our family name is Tong. My great grandfather had a hard time telling people, as he spoke no English or Cantonese. When he first came to the US, he had a few teeth missing and he was chewing gum when the immigration officer asked for his name. He replied, “tPhhhhong.”

The astute officer was puzzled, “I know you guys all looked alike, but you look more Chinese than Vietnamese… Hmm … it’ll be Fong.

A similar thing happened to his friend Sam Ting. When Sam was lining up going through immigration, they asked the guy before Sam what his name was. The guy said, “Olofsson.” 

They then asked Sam his name and Sam responded, “Sam Ting.” 

Same-thing? You’re kidding!”

“Not kidding. Sam Ting.” Sam asserted.

“OK, if you insist.” This officer is not quite as sharp. Sam Ting was known as Olofsson since.

That is a bit too much to explain why we had to change our name back to Tong, so I came up with a scientific reason, which is: “Two Tong’s don’t make a Wong, and two Wong’s don’t make a white.” 

This proves that Chinese wisdom is superior to Western science, as I would explain, “Western science believes that two negatives would make a positive. Chinese disagreed.”

“How so?” Westerners are not convinced. I would explain, “If you wing the wong number twice, would you get the white number?” … They would then be speechless.

This discovery shuttered the foundation of western science. My staff felt that I deserved the most coveted prize in science and tried to nominate me for that award, as I found out one day by accident.

That occurred in our old office when we were using 1 G technology of bells and timers instead of chips and iPads. I had finished treating a patient in a back room and forgotten to put on the timer. It must be 2 hours before I realized my mistake.

I rushed back to take out the needles with a thousand apologies. She was fuming with anger, “What happens to the bell that you usually have here in the bed?!” 

Oh, the bell… someone must have misplaced it… but that would be a poor excuse….

Oh, I’m sorry. My staff must have put it away — they have been trying to get me the “No Bell Prize!”

She burst out laughing and her anger vanished! 

But the No Bell Committee tried to find flaws in this Chinese wisdom, “If two Tong’s don’t make a Wong, what do two Tong’s make?” I retorted, “Two Tong’s make three little Tong’s and I can prove it!” 

After they saw the proof they never return.

A parental guide to Romance for a Rooster

My younger son Jacin (Joss) is a rooster. In his case, two Tong’s hopefully would make many organic eggs… and a chicken farm. 

To make his dream come true, I told him to go to an organic farm and tell them, “I need help. Would you please give me a hen…. ” Just make sure you say “hen” and not “hand.” 

Then ask them to get you a free-range chicken … but not those that are going to Costco – as they usually end up too rare or too well-done…. as he prefers them medium rare

One more thing. He should change the recording on his phone, which says,”I am unavailable now, please leave me your phone number…” to:

“I am available, 25 hours a day, especially if you are from an organic farm and can lay eggs.”

After getting one chick, get three more to practise the “Rhythm Method.”

“The Rhythm Method is for birth control. Why do you need many chicks for this??” Someone asked.

No, not for birth control; it is for species preservation!  

The latest data shows that the chicken population is dwindling because Taco Bell has been selling too many chicken burritos. To save the chicks he must entertain their customers with his “Taco Bell’s Canon in D,” then convince them to sell turkey burritos instead:  See below.

 

Epilogue

 

There is a Rooster name Joss, 

He is truly his own boss. 

He likes to sleep in late,

As an easy life is his fate.

He doesn’t crow to wake people in the morning,

As he has an AI clone to do the early calling.

He does it all and needs no helping hand,

And he jogs daily to keep strong legs.

Aleit he’s self-sufficient he needs a hen;

As a rooster can crow but not lay eggs. 

Real estate development is his game,

Which would bring him wealth and fame.

But his “Taco Bell’s Canon in D” epitomizes excellence

Free concerts by his chicks is an act of benevolence

Saving chickens is the goal of the master;

This calling could bring good karma faster.

So the chicks and the Rooster,

Will live happily ever after.

 

“Taco Bell’s Canon in D” https://youtu.be/khOfSVULtsU

 

 

  

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